Oral sex. What a trip. I was always more comfortable with intercourse than with oral. No one told me what happened between a penis and a vagina. I just always got it. I knew how it worked and was good at it pretty much from the gate. Oral sex on the other hand…it took me years before I realized that a blowjob wasn’t literally blowing on a penis…go figure…

Needless to say, I gave before I received. No man ever ventured down there. Probably for the same reason I thought blow literally meant BLOW…they just didn’t know what to do. The vagina isn’t as straight forward as the penis. 

I was 23 the first time a man went down on me…so two years ago. At first, I was self-conscious. What if I smelled bad? What if I was sweaty down there? What if I quiffed?! But I relaxed into it, enjoyed and came. And after I stopped vibrating I thought, “What glorious times are ahead!” I dated that man for four years…and he never went down on me again.

How did my young, sensitive, girly brain translate that? My vagina is gross. I DID smell bad. I tasted so bad, he can’t tolerate going down on me again. I can never let another man down there…because there’s something wrong with my vagina.

BULLSHIT! Many moons and many men later it’s become clear: There was something wrong with him.

There is something wrong with a man who doesn’t go down on women!

This particular boyfriend also stopped kissing me. He stopped kissing all his girlfriends. He didn’t like to kiss…and he didn’t like to carpet munch.

What? He’s gay, you say? No, he is definitely not gay. We wish the explanation were that simple. There’s something much, much deeper going on with a man who doesn’t go downtown.

Every boyfriend after delighted in eating me out. Many of my men have gone down on me five times in a row, five orgasms straight…sometimes three nonstop hours of licking. Often, I have had to beg for them to stop.

Then came another boyfriend…who didn’t go down. He didn’t like to do that. Why? The smell? The texture? HE’S GAY, you say! Nope. Definitely not gay. Again, it’s something deeper.

Both of these men were emotionally and verbally abusive. They didn’t like themselves. They sure as hell didn’t love themselves. So how in the world could they love a woman’s source of love?

Most men, and certainly healthy men, will tell you they LOVE the way a woman smells. They LOVE the way a woman’s sex tastes…be it tart, sweet or musty. They can’t wait to get all up in that downy softness.

Ladies, if you are dating a man who doesn’t go down on you, END IT…NOW! Not because he’s gay, but because he’s selfish. He’s a narcissist. He’s a sociopath.

Not going down on a woman is a screaming red flag. This man is not capable of loving you the way you deserve to be loved. Run away! Run away!

And if you’re a straight man who doesn’t go down…get your ass in therapy. Because that tongue needs a workout. Lick away, Boys. Lick away.

Written by Amy
I am a film, TV and voiceover actress and a fiction and nonfiction writer. You've seen and heard me on television, movies, radio ads and video games. I'm the author of 5 books and counting, and my award-winning short stories have been featured in acclaimed literary journals.

    7 Comments

  1. Anonymous June 5, 2013 at 4:13 pm Reply

    Three words. HPV. Get yourself tested. This is how Michael Douglas got mouth cancer. Stop being irresponsible.

    • The Minx June 5, 2013 at 4:20 pm Reply

      Yes, I read that article. According to Mr. Douglas it’s also the best cure. 😉

  2. Shelby La June 5, 2013 at 8:10 pm Reply

    You fucking rock. Period. 😉

    • The Minx June 5, 2013 at 9:34 pm Reply

      Thank you baby!

  3. Jason June 6, 2013 at 2:44 pm Reply

    Ok, this made me laugh out loud. And, that didn’t really help because I was sitting on a plane surrounded by my wife and kids!! Anybody who chose to “read over my shoulder” at that moment certainly got a big surprise!

    You keep that Oral Sex going!! Everyone needs a hobby!! 🙂

    • The Minx June 6, 2013 at 5:13 pm Reply

      Awesome! Thanks Jason! Hope you share with your boys when they are of age…raising those kids right I see. 😉 xo

  4. Callie July 14, 2013 at 7:36 am Reply

    Amen, sister!

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