I’ve always had a good relationship with my lady parts. We’ve been acquainted since I was in diapers and they’ve been incredibly easy going, versatile and accommodating over the years. While I’ve worried about certain specifics of my appearance, the visuals of my vagina never concerned me…until I found myself an unwitting participant in a conversation of the vaginal kind.

My friend was weighing the pros and cons of his relationship. The girl was great, but the sex not so passionate. Listening to him speak, I thought all signs indicated “EXIT,” but then he decided he must stay with her for one simple reason: she had an innie vagina…and those were hard to find.

“I can’t be with a girl who has an outie vagina. It’s disgusting. Her vagina has been pumped so many times her lips hang out,” he spewed. “You could put Kate Upton in my bed, but if she has an outie, I don’t want to go anywhere near it.”

I was dangerously close to falling off my barstool. “Um…what do you mean an outie vagina? What’s that?”

“Where the lips hang out,” he clarified.

“The lips hang out of what?” I asked.

“The inner lips…they hang out of the outer part of the vagina. Imagine a taco…”

He had to show me pictures on his phone before I understood the difference.

Needless to say my vagina and I got cozy that night. I spent a good hour in front of my full-length mirror spread eagle, trying to figure out if I had an innie, an outie or a combination of both. I flipped my legs in all different directions to see the effect, stood up, jumped around, shook everything out—half expecting my lady parts to drop down to my knees, if not now, then after a few more years of rockin’ good sex. And then I thought,

“Fuck that shit. I have enough to worry about. Like how to keep my boobs from becoming pancakes.”

The Truth About the Vagina

Truth #1: Women Only Become Self-conscious of their Va-jay-jays because Some Man is an Ignoramus

Sure, we obsess about silly things…I have a friend who obsesses over the size of her calves and she thought that up all on her own…but a woman will never think to look at her vagina and question whether it is an innie or an outie—or how “pretty” it is—until someone else gives her the idea to do so.

This doesn’t even need to come as a direct hit. She could be hanging out with her girlfriend who gushes about the new guy in her life: “He said I have the best vagina because it’s an outie and so it’s easy to make me cum!”

Poor girl then goes home and examines her vagina—because it’s the first she’s heard of innies and outies—and discovers she has an innie, which plays into her insecurities and makes achieving orgasm that much more difficult!

Truth #2: Women Don’t Look at other Women’s Hoo-has

How could I go so many years not realizing there were two different “types” of vaginas? I am NOT in the minority. This is something the majority of women have to have pointed out to them at some point in life…hopefully way late in life when they are experienced enough and sensible enough to know it ain’t no big thang.

Women don’t stand around in urinals with their vulvas hanging out like men do with their penises. We don’t really get a good view if you know what I mean…nor do we care to. We don’t instinctively measure our self worth by the size and look of our love tacos. That’s a penile disease we’ve unfortunately contracted.

Anatomy Sidebar: Vulva incidentally is the correct term to use when talking about innies and outies. The vagina is INSIDE the body while the vulva refers to the external genitalia.

As for porn, those are some airbrushed innies you’re loving on. When a woman is looking at naked photos of other women, she’s probably focused on their hair and makeup …at most she’ll admire the boobs. And if the vagina is noticed, it’s to check out the wax job.

Truth #3: Vaginas Are Shaped at Puberty

Kim Kardashian reputedly has an innie…and we know she’s had her share of hot dogs in that bun. Apparently, so do some porn stars. We don’t have to rest on empirical evidence to prove that innie vaginas are no sign of virginity. Here’s an irrefutable scientific fact:

Vaginal changes—including the designation of an innie versus an outtie vagina—occur when a female goes through puberty.

An outie vagina is not a sign that you have had too much sex. It’s merely a sign that you are a complete woman. As to how many women have an outie and how many have an innie—statistically, we’ve got a 50/50 split. That split, however, is tilting toward innie as more and more women feel ashamed of their beautiful, finger-lickin’ good outies.

Labiaplasty (aka, Femal Genital Mutilation)

According to the American Academy of Cosmetic Surgery, there were 53,332 vaginal rejuvenations performed in the United States in 2009…and every year that number grows. The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynocologists has spoken out against vaginal cosmetic surgeries, the safety of which has been called into question. Not only is there the risk of scarring and infection, but you’re also pretty much guaranteed reduced sensitivity and sensation. Especially with the “Barbie” procedure of labiaplasty, which cuts off the lips of the vulva entirely so that you are left with no sign of external genitalia…just a Barbie-like slit. Seriously? You want to look like Barbie? Because she also doesn’t have any nips.

Labiaplasty is reminiscent of Female Genital Mutilation in which the clit is also removed. While not as drastic, some labiaplasty procedures do shave off part of the clitoral hood.

We’ve been fighting long and hard against horrific female circumcision, and here we’ve turned a version of it into a plastic surgery operation almost as coveted as the boob job. We are allowing men to cut and cauterize the most delicious parts of our bodies all in the quest for designer vaginas. This breaks my heart.

Jewel it Up

Vajazzling blows my mind. Unless you’re in a lesbian relationship I just don’t see the point. Men don’t notice your new haircut or your mani/pedi until you train them to…they sure as hell don’t care if your vagina sparkles. They’ll tell you it looks nice because they know you want them to, but gluing some crystals to your punani isn’t going to rev their engines. You and your juicy tunnel of love are beautiful without any ornamentation. Save your money and get a massage instead.

So…do I have an innie or an outie? Hmmm…let’s wait until I get to know you better, and then maybe I’ll show you…

Written by Amy
I am a film, TV and voiceover actress and a fiction and nonfiction writer. You've seen and heard me on television, movies, radio ads and video games. I'm the author of 5 books and counting, and my award-winning short stories have been featured in acclaimed literary journals.

    11 Comments

  1. Jason October 28, 2013 at 5:18 pm Reply

    Good lord! Some guys need to grow up…Vaginas are awesome in all shapes and sizes. It’s what you DO with it that matters! 😉

  2. Justin February 24, 2014 at 11:48 pm Reply

    All I can say is enjoy whatever you have… instead of surgery have you considered just finding someone who appreciates you? I’ve been with both “innie” and “outie” girls and I’d NEVER let one of them go because of how it looked, I just enjoyed it either way, I personally think outie is more interesting to look at but seriously ladies, I wouldn’t even think of letting a girl I like get away because of the shape of her stuff, I’d keep it too busy to notice what it looks like unoccupied 😉 Ladies, life is short and there’s someone out there who will like whatever it looks like! Find him now!

  3. The truth October 8, 2014 at 6:44 am Reply

    Oh boho, women have been judging mens penises since we climbed down from the tree´s. But when the coin is flipped then you start whining about it. Welcome to the future!

  4. Anonymous March 29, 2015 at 5:13 am Reply

    i love outies

  5. ruyn13 April 16, 2015 at 11:59 pm Reply

    1. This is some sexist bullshit. “Men don’t notice your new haircut or your mani/pedi until you train them to…” If a man said anything close to “train a woman,” 50 feminists would appear from thin air to beat him over the head with his own penis. And as for “Women Only Become Self-conscious of their Va-jay-jays because Some Man is an Ignoramus,” well… again, bullshit. Different people like different things. Sexuality and gender play no role in that. If you don’t know a woman who judges a man based on his six-pack or his chiseled, permanent 5-o’clock shadowed jaw, then you don’t know enough women who like men. Equally, there are plenty of lesbians who have preferences when it comes to their partner’s genitalia.

    2. The majority of this post’s focus on perpetuating women’s insecurity can be summed up here: “She could be hanging out with her girlfriend […] which plays into her insecurities and makes achieving orgasm that much more difficult!” Western women make other women’s lives difficult. It’s built into the culture. More often than not, if a woman is insecure in the West, it’s because another woman said or did something to put her in that position. It’s a byproduct of the heteronormative monogamy culture we live in. Women compete far more with one another (ultimately over mating) than men, and the reason stems from forced concepts of monogamy and Disney Princess syndrome.

    • The Minx July 1, 2015 at 5:25 pm Reply

      I so love that I got you talking. 🙂

      “Men don’t notice your new haircut or your mani/pedi until you train them to…” – yes, that’s a sexist comment. Good thing I don’t have a penis for people to hit me with.

      “Women Only Become Self-conscious of their Va-jay-jays because Some Man is an Ignoramus,” – Still disagree, but that’s what’s so fun. Yes, different people like different things, but the only way a mature woman would ever nix a man based on his penis is if they weren’t sexually compatible. Meaning, the penis was a 10-footer and hurt like hell, or it was as small as my thumb hard and I couldn’t feel a thing. As for lesbians, I know a lot, and they’re much more progressive than you think, although I’m sure there are the ones who are ultra picky as well. Generalities only go so far.

      As for women competing with each other, I hear they do. I’ve never known any women personally that did though. But, I surround myself with gems. 😉

      “Vaginal rejuvenation” and labioplasty are not synonymous. While “vaginal rejuvenation” may include labioplasty, it is not limited to it.” – yeah, no shit. I didn’t say they were synonymous.

      In general, I was being pretty tongue and cheek, so it’s best to take it as a humorous, light-hearted read. I appreciate your comments!

  6. ruyn13 April 17, 2015 at 5:23 pm Reply

    3. “As for porn, those are some airbrushed innies you’re loving on.” If you’re talking about men looking at porn, then I’m going to damage your reality a bit. Most porn viewed by men is in video form. On top of that, we live in the “age of amateur,” where men find fake to be a turn off. So even if it’s a photo, it’s usually a crappy one if a man’s looking at it.

    4. “Vaginal rejuvenation” and labioplasty are not synonymous. While “vaginal rejuvenation” may include labioplasty, it is not limited to it.

    • Anonymous June 9, 2015 at 10:49 pm Reply

      Well said! My personal preference is actually in puffy vajajays. I’ll give 120% effort into making the relationship work if the girl has a really puffy pussy – which are hard to find. All I have to do is imagine or think of her special lady bits and I become very amenable to loosing an argument or not arguing at all.

      • The Minx July 1, 2015 at 5:13 pm Reply

        good to know, anonymous. Thanks for sharing! 😉

  7. innie mienie November 7, 2015 at 6:41 am Reply

    I love innies. They may not truly mean the girl is virginal but the psychology behind it makes me still prefer innies. It’s also simply more aesthetically pleasing.

  8. Foxy March 16, 2016 at 6:16 pm Reply

    I came here for the information. I was never embarrassed of my lady bits. But, recently, I’ve gotten into that “vag” conversation & heard of innie & outie for the very first time. N of course….i had to look at my own. I’ve seen my share of lady bits…as i was a personal care provider for women of various ages for a few years & of course helped my female friends wash themselves in the shower after puking all over themselves & stuff….but regardless of how sexist this article may seem…which i hadnt even of noticed until i read some comments, i found this article helpful & informing of what i came here to find out.

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