I know things. Without knowing how I know them. It’s creepy cool. I can sense when someone’s about to call. I can sum up the energy in a room or within a person in a split second. I can foretell the end of a relationship in its infancy. This is both a blessing and a curse. Sometimes I’d like to walk through life with more naivety and ignorance. Because the experiences I’m supposed to have, both good and bad, I’m powerless to resist, even with all that knowing.
I trust my intuition, but…I don’t always use it for good. I’ve been guilty of cloaking my assumptions under the guise of intuition. Why? To relieve discomfort. I don’t like not knowing, and when my intuition is sleeping, assumption is quick to come to the rescue. But this is so dangerous, especially when I’m in a relationship.
And I’m in a relationship! With a very hunky man I adore. And I really don’t want to fuck it up. Hence, this month’s topic: Intuition vs. Assumption, and my very real Upper Limit Problem.
Intuition makes you intriguing. Assumption makes you an ass.
My hunk and I have hit the 6-month mark, and my Upper Limit Problem is kicking in. If you’ve never heard of the Upper Limit Problem, check out Gay Hendrick’s book The Big Leap. Basically, your Upper Limit is the point at which you sabotage yourself once you’ve reached success. When the joy is more than you’ve ever experienced before, Upper Limit Problems start to sneak in…you know, to take you down a notch…or ten.
My Upper Limit Problem tests me most with assumptions. Which feels even trickier to tame given my cozy and confident relationship with intuition.
Here’s how it starts: It’s a busy month. He’s got a lot going on and a lot of responsibilities. He used to come by 3-4 times a week. Now he can only make it to this side of town once a week.
Here’s what my brain likes to do: He’s pulling away from you. He’s questioning whether or not he wants to be in this relationship. He’s wondering if he can really do it…go the distance with you. So, he’s taking space and time. To detach and figure things out…
I could very easily take these assumptions as truth and run with them. I could let my fear take over and start to behave accordingly. I, too, could start to pull back, and question, and become resentful, or passive aggressive, or just plain detached. I could…but I haven’t, and I really hope I don’t.
So, how do we tell the difference between intuition—that strong inner knowing, that calm still voice and feeling that comes to you in complete, connected awareness—and assumption—that fear-fueled judgment you place on a person or situation because your need-to-know is so damn strong you can’t find a moment’s peace without coming up with an answer, even if the answer is fictional.
Shit. I don’t really know. Not until life, and the other person, plays itself out.
Intuition and assumption are the angel and the devil sitting on your shoulder.
Which one are you going to listen to? The fact is you don’t have any hard facts or evidence for either. And they are both inextricably linked to trust. Assumptions arise out of a lack of trust and intuition is a complete trust in your inner knowing.
In order to determine the difference between the two it’s necessary to quiet your mind and body and reactivity. Slow down. Stop thinking. Breathe.
What are you feeling? Do you feel constricted, short of breath, angry, fearful, anxious? Chances are you’re operating on assumption.
We make assumptions when we’re worried and feeling vulnerable and want to force a resolution. Assumptions are created by our past experiences, and have no place in our present. Ultimately, acting on our assumptions doesn’t end up getting us what we want. It’s a heroin hit to help ease the pain…for a while.
Now, if an answer comes to you in a moment of calm clarity, as a tingle, a voice, or an image, and doesn’t cause fear or anxiousness but more of a relaxing “ah yes” feeling, then it’s probably intuition and safe to trust. Intuition is empowering. It’s the human psyche in full glory. Bask in it when it comes to you.
Allow for the space between intuition and assumption. That’s what I’m doing. When my fear kicks in and I start to make assumptions, I stop, breathe, and dig deep.
Where are these thoughts coming from? Truth or fear? Am I unconsciously sabotaging because I’ve met a wonderful man and deep down I feel vulnerable and afraid of getting hurt? Quite possibly. So, instead of declaring my assumptions intuitive flashes of wisdom, I’ll get my mind right and work it out on my end without him ever knowing, rather than letting it infiltrate a beautiful new relationship.
And if I’m wrong? If my assumptions were actually intuitions I didn’t trust? Well, I’d much rather NOT act on my assumptions and have the balm of realizing that I was indeed blessed with intuitive insight, then act on my assumptions and gradually wear down a promising partnership. All because I’d reached my Upper Limit of what I thought was possible for me in a relationship.
No thank you. Not this time. This time, I’m listening to the angel.
What are your experiences with intuition and assumptions? Share in the comments!
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